I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
