I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
