I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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