you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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