Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
