I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
