Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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