Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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