I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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