Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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