can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
