i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
