Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
