She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
