So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
