You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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