She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
