Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
