So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
