dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
