Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Four minutes until I can fart!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
