I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
