walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
