I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
