He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
