guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
