so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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