they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My ass is underappreciated
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
