You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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