last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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