All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
