saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
3pm strippers are depressing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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