New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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