I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
