Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
