I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
