i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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