I'm really into asian looking animals
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
