Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
