I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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