he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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