found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
