You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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