U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
