his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Be still, my beating vagina.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
