Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
