Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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