I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
