I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
