Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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