i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
